something stupid

few days since i touched down

first day in my real hometown

greeted not by what i expected

family is good, i always wish to spend times with them

but, what i expected seems far away

comment on appearance,

comment on everything i said and did

frustrated, i hate it,

i would rather stay in melbourne, with the hot weather

than this humid and unwanted greeting

skycraper

late at night

the moment when i think the city is dead

i walked out the terrace

i took a deep breathe, hold it and let it go

i opened my eyes and i see city lights

the lights that looks like the stars in the sky

at that moment, i felt like i'm standing on the top of the world

looking down to every details of everything down the earth

i am the owner of the universal

the cup of herbal tea

life is like a cup of herbal tea

it is bitter but those bitterness bring you a taste of sweetness

sweet in the sense of healthy life

so is life

after all those bad things you have encounter, you learn how to live your life

it doesn't taste so good, but yet when you look back you know those bitterness are worth consume

the bitterness doesn't goes straight after you guzzle it

and so is life, bad things just seems to be there and always there

but what can it be worse than those bitterness, i guess none

none of us like the bitterness, it is awful, unpleasant, and extremely sucks

a lot of us like to take the bitterness into granted, the bad experiences stuck in our mind anytime and everytime, but we never think about the 'sweetness' after the gulp of the bitterness.

how many times have we actually appreciate it?

i don't know, how about u?

i belong to You

i've been letting You down

but no matter what i do

You will always say 'son i love you'

' and i do'

i am speechless hopeless and useless

but You always there telling me that i am who You are

according to You, i am perfect

for You have your way in me

true

the wind is whispering to me

bringing me to the wide ocean sky

no border line no living animals no human voices

is an unlimited open space

perching on the white sands

staring at the ocean blue

and listening to the song from the breezing wind

slowly it bringing me alive

no pressure

gulping the whole new fresh air

blowing my mind and my life

so light i feel like flying

====================

indeed,

i'm deadly bored

begging on people in my msn list to talk to me

ended up chewing the fat in skype with JOANNE TEO

for the time of chatting,

i throw my pressure away, far beyond my control

and when we ended our talk

those forces fly back from the outer world in a light speed

and i realize 'he' is here.

stared at the sun set

my heart sink

my brain start boosting on its machine, working on those memories, bringing them back alive

but that is not i wanted

7 days to go

the mixture of feeling start pouring on my mind

the happiness and the sorrow

one day, if i can i would build a machine and i will name it 'washing machine'

not your dirty clothes but you undesirable thoughts

cleaning them up like the dirty and odour clothes being cleaned, white and fresh

until then, i will still remain as who i am

but the question arise: who am i?

c.

im living in the confusion

extremely confused for everything

what i want is to run away

but i know those confusions will still there

because it derives from my deeper self.

kill me

Sun Flower

Sun Flower
© Steffi Gandalia 2009

Tonight I sit alone in my room
Looking at the plastic sun flower under the moon
Sometimes I wish I could just be that
As it looks great all the time

Hey but it’s unreal to realize
There’re no such words as living, breathing, blooming, and growing
Coz this phony sun flower isn’t alive,
They just pretend to be strong but they don’t have life

I’m a living man
With a heart and feelings
With a soul to see what’s unseen
With a mind to dream and imagine

I just want to be real
I need a ground for me to stand
I need water to feed my thirst
And Yes, I need the sun to shine on me

Somehow I’m trying to lie to myself
That I’m strong enough to do everything
But in the end I find I mess everything when I depend on my own
And I find that I only shine when He shines on me

So often I am trying to run and do it all alone
Till I get tired to wear a mask and have no confidence to show
And You made me realize
I can’t be a beauty living sun flower when I don’t have You, My sun shine

I’m a living man
With a heart and feelings
With a soul to see what’s unseen
With a mind to dream and imagine

I just want to be real
I need a ground for me to stand
I need water to feed my thirst
And Yes, I need the sun to shine on me

I want to be a sunflower
With my sun shining on me
I want to color this beautiful world
With Him being my role

Coz You’re the only source of my beautiful life
No.. I can’t shine without you
When You’re not by my side
And I can’t live without you

run

i don't know what am i doing

again and again.

i never learn how to be a good one

or maybe i am but because of the intimidation for the thousands times i fall again

through out my whole life, i realise there is one thing i can't change

i can't blame the the world where i live

and i can't blame anyone else either

and of course i can't blame my self

so i always reassure my self that God has His purpose

yet till now, i don't know what it is

what i know is i am suffering

and i don't really like it

i have no where to run to

i have no one to go through

once again i am intimidated

how i wish i could ran out from all these.

and i know it is impossible

until the day i say goodbye to the world

and sometimes i hope that day will be tomorrow

i am really exhausted

run.